(written Oct. 20 2021)
A relentless whisper keeps stirring, pushing me to sit down and write. Yet each day my schedule and routine habits easily dismiss taking time to sit down and do it. Today, I am giving myself the time to sit...to write. And funny enough as I open up the blog post tab on my computer, I apparently did give myself the time five months ago as well, but never published the blog post. So I will include the post I started five months ago below.
Several days ago when I went to open Instagram to post a photo to the Rais Case page, I could not log in. The message said " your account has been disabled for violating our terms." I submitted a request to restore my account stating that I am a very small business and that I make bags here in San Diego, and I post about them. I do not use the app to talk about any political or health related topics and that I believe it must be a mistake.
I feel like it's time for me to begin new habits for how I run my business. The community of women and men who have supported Rais Case over the past 11 years is simply incredible. I don't necessarily need that platform in order to share my Rais Case work. I am thinking of pouring more energy into my website blog and newsletters as new habits, and of course Rising Co, and leaving the 'ol insta off my radar for a while as an experiment.
It feels un-nerving as we are entering into the holiday season, but it also feels really liberating. I think I can share more of my authenticity in this format. I have enabled comments so that if you'd like to share feedback you can (and I would LOVE that).
(This was the part written in June 2021)
I have anticipated and avoided sitting down to write about the the range of emotions swirling about inside of me over that past 12 months. We made a massive pivot last April from making bags to making masks, back to making bags...this overlapped getting my two kids setup in one school and then 1/2 way through the year moving them to another one. All while trying to settle into our home in Oceanside and setting up Rising Co., amongst all of this a passion for REFUSION was brewing.
Needless to say there has been powerful and consistent surges of energy that have allowed all the above to happen. And as I begin to allow myself to process this, it is emotional. Putting a pause to the habit of allowing my momentum to continue to move things forward feels like a confusing void. While logically it seems clear that there is too much going on, too much to juggle and to juggle it well.
That voice inside my head and heart is yearning for a simpler path. Yet, it is my ego or my nature that is fighting so hard to keep managing multiple things. As I near turning 40 years old this November I can hear my intuition getting louder and louder to make changes. For the longest time I have had this dream that I would retire by 40! Maybe this is why I have been able to hustle so hard for the past few years. While our bank account isn't nearly able to support retirement in the traditional sense, I may just be be able to retire in a non-traditional sense.
Not in the, "I'm 65 years old collecting a check type of retirement", but the type of retirement that is defined as I am not sacrificing today for some imaginary tomorrow, that today is complete in and of itself. (this beautiful definition comes from @kirubakaranrajendran)
If this is going to happen in my life, it requires a transitional period. And here I find myself at this crossroads, it is a familiar place, I was here six months ago, and I forged ahead with business as usual. But this time I want to shift. I want to release certain expectations and responsibilities so that I have capacity to forge a new path.
That's it for now...if you are still reading thank you for spending time here.
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